Of Dolls and Drinks
by DarkRose Dilettante
Summary: If there is one thing Jun has learnt about the Rozen Maiden, it is this: do not ever, under any circumstances, let them anywhere near even a single drop of alcohol. The consequences are horrendous. - slight Shinku x Suigintou, Shinku x almost everyone XD
1. Chapter 1

**Helloooo there~! I'm baaack! Mwahahaha! With another outrageous fic for your entertainment. Writing OOC is much more fun than I originally thought so I decided to have another crack at it. This particular fic was inspired by luv2write and laugh's (well, currently going by the name of Hikari no Destany) story about the dolls getting hyper on chocolate.**

**So yeah, a biiiig thank you to Destany aka Luv for the inspiration and permission to write this! Sending you a big bunch of hugs and cookies~! :3 This will probably be a three-shot or something like that. Just short enough to make it not horrifying :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rozen Maiden or any of its characters. They'd probably hunt me down and kill me if they read this XD**

**Enjoy! :D**

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_**Of Dolls and Drinks**_

If there is one thing Jun has learnt about the Rozen Maiden, it is this: do not ever, for God's sake (and for the sake of preserving basic human sanity), let them anywhere _near_ even a single drop of alcohol. The consequences are mind-blowingly horrendous. Those who have been subjected to such torture leave with psychological scars deeply driven into their fragile psyche. An intoxicated maiden is even more terrifying than labelling Suigintou as 'trash' or doodling crayon sketches onto Suiseiseki's watering can.

Perhaps we should start from the beginning.

It was one of those lazy Saturday mornings where time seems to slow down and the world lapses into a kind of self-satisfied tranquillity. Outside it was a beautiful day – the sun was shining, the birds were singing...and of course best of all, Suiseiseki had graced them all with her presence by entering via her favourite route: i.e, Jun's closed bedroom window.

"YOU DAMN WICKED DOLL! USE THE DOOR LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!"

"PATHETIC, USELESS CHIBI! WHY DON'T YOU GROW SOME BALLS?"

"YOU - !"

"S-Suiseiseki, I don't think that was very appropriate..."

"Honestly, such noisy servants. Jun, close the window. I am getting cold."

"Unyuu, I want to chase Jun too!"

_Ding-dong!_

"I'll get it!" Nori sang from downstairs where she was preparing breakfast. Wiping her hands on her apron, she opened the door and peeked cautiously out. A cheerful salesman greeted her, roughly shoving a package into her arms.

"Congratulations, ma'am! You've won a free casket of the finest wine! Enjoy!"

"Uh..."

"Have a lovely day!"

Before Nori even had a chance to protest, the salesman had tipped his hat to her and sauntered down the front path and out the gate. She sighed. Even though Jun shopped less online nowadays, the Sakurada house just seemed to randomly attract salesmen like some sort of a commercial magnet. They'd already had chocolates, flowers, perfume, and possibly the entire Kunkun series of merchandise (though that was probably Shinku's doing) delivered to the house in the space of a month. Nori inspected the label – it was a bottle of red wine.

Not really knowing what to do with it, she set it down on the kitchen table, thinking that maybe she could give it away to someone, or sell it...

Thus, the bottle of wine sat on the table, unnoticed and undisturbed. That is, until Hinaichigo happened upon it right after breakfast as she searched around the kitchen bench for her favourite strawberry daifuku.

"I wonder what's this, nano?" She tugged on the cork until it came loose with a violent _pop_! and hit her smack bang in the middle of her forehead.

"Unyuu...ouch..." The little doll sniffed the suspicious red liquid, then dipped her finger in and licked it.

"Yucky...Hina doesn't like it." As she tried to jam the cork back in, however, her hand slipped and the end of the bottle slammed against the bench top. The glass cracked, deep crimson liquid seeping quickly out of it.

"Oh no..." Even though she had no idea what it was, Hinaichigo knew at least that it was a bad thing she'd broken the bottle, and as the wine gushed out of the jagged crack in the glass, Hina looked around anxiously for something – anything, which might be of some help. She grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be a teapot, and hurriedly positioned the cracked wine bottle over the pot so that the rest of the wine leaked into it. By this time, there was only enough wine to fill half the teapot, and as Hinaichigo replaced the teapot's lid, she quickly mopped up the red puddle left by the drink that she had been unable to save. Guilt gnawing at the edge of her mind, she decided the best thing was to get away as quickly as possible and completely forget about everything that had occurred.

She did not know that her actions that morning would later lead to the rather catastrophic consequences of the day and earn her a sound telling off from not only Shinku but her other sisters as well.

It was near midday when the mentioned fifth doll demanded the tea she seemed to require daily. Grumbling, Jun looked around the kitchen for a teapot – his eyes fell upon one sitting conveniently on the table top. As he picked it up, he felt liquid sloshing around inside it, and, demonstrating a certain thoughtlessness and absence of grey matter in the head upon his shoulders, presumed it was tea that had been prepared earlier that morning by Nori. Still in a foul mood from his stoush that morning with Suiseiseki, he neglected to consider that it was cold, and carried it over to where his tea-loving doll was watching her favourite dog detective on television before traipsing back up to his room.

Upon thinking back on it afterwards, Jun decided, it could only be fair to say that it was partly Shinku's fault she was so obsessed with Kunkun, her attention captured fully by the dog puppet on TV, that she didn't even realise what she guzzling down wasn't exactly Darjeeling tea.

Indeed, it did not dawn upon Shinku herself that something was not quite right until she started to feel very hot and flushed, and she realised she'd almost emptied the entire teapot. In fact, it wasn't until after Kunkun had ended that she noticed the strange aftertaste in her mouth, and the thought crossed her mind that the 'tea' she had been drinking without even registering its taste (the Kunkun episode being a particularly dramatic, riveting thriller) was a little...off? And she felt strangely woozy and lightheaded, her thoughts were muddled...

"I'll kill that stupid chibi chibi..." Suiseiseki muttered furiously as she marched into the living room, Souseiseki trailing in after her, sighing at her twin's long-standing feudal grudge against Jun.

"Suiseiseki, calm down."

"I swear, one day I'll make him strip and run screaming butt-naked through the streets like a – oh, it's Shinku." Suiseiseki glared with her hands on her hips at the back of Shinku's head when she didn't turn around.

"_Shinku_! Learn to properly discipline your chi –" Suiseiseki trailed off as Shinku suddenly tipped over backwards, her head dangling upside down off the edge of the arm-rest at them, a freakishly disconcerting grin on her unnaturally flushed face.

"S-Sui...hic...seeeiii-hic-sekiiii..." she drawled, her speech slurred and hiccupping every now and then between words.

The unfortunate Gardener, caught unawares by Shinku's grinning, upside down face, let out an inadvertent scream that was loud enough to rival the noise made by a jet plane passing overhead.

"C-calm down!"

"_Omigod omigod_, SHE'S POSSESSED!" Suiseiseki shrieked, brandishing her watering can.

"Suiseiseki, stop it!"

Shinku suddenly breaking into a fit of giggled for no reason in particular, still staring at them upside down, did nothing to calm the jittery doll.

"SHE'S BEEN POSSESSED! SHE'S JOINED A ZOMBIE CULT! HER BRAIN HAS BEEN LIQUIFIED INTO GREEN GOOEY CRAP!" Suiseiseki pointed the can nozzle at Shinku like it was the butt of some automatic machine gun. "DIE, HELL-SPAWN!"

A rain of green water shot out and drenched Shinku's face.

"Th-that's...enough...!" Souseiseki had to physically restrain Suiseiseki from launching another attack at Shinku.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

Jun had appeared in the doorway, looking extremely harassed. He stared at the scene in the living room; Shinku, lying on her back with her head tilted back over the armrest of the couch, and Souseiseki holding a struggling Suiseiseki down in a headlock.

"Ok, please explain to me why I hear a demented doll screaming about some sort of invasion of my house from the un-dead?"

"I-It's Shinku, desu!" Suiseiseki screeched, gesturing wildly at Shinku. "One minute she was just sitting there, the next she's got this deranged _look_ on her face..."

Jun glanced over at the couch, only to find that the said doll had disappeared from where she had been lying only moments before.

"Where'd she go?" He frowned as they stared around looking for her. There was something quite strange...

His eyes fell upon her figure, sitting in the far corner of the room (God knows how the hell she managed to get to the other side of the room like that) with her back to him, and...

..._oh freaking gods of the heavens above, she was MAKING OUT WITH KUNKUN!_

Ok, there was now _definitely_ something _NOT RIGHT_ about her.

The image of Shinku performing unspeakable acts with the dog detective was too much for Suiseiseki, who collapsed in a senseless heap at Souseiseki's feet. Souseiseki herself seemed to be imitating a shock-faced statuette, her sensible mind completely shutting down.

_Oh for Pete's sake, it's a bleedin' puppet! This is wrong! So. Freaking. WRONG._

Jun, having momentarily recovered his ability of speech, was the first to express his shock with befitting eloquence.

"THE HELL?"

Shinku turned to look at him, a strangely exultant expression upon her face.

_Good god, what kind of crack has she been on?_

"Hehehe...h-hi J-Jun...hic...Kunkun is so...hic...adorable..." She stood up, wobbling unsteadily on her feet, letting the dog puppet fall to the floor. Blinking rapidly, she peered blearily up at the medium, a goofy grin suddenly lighting up her features.

"Haha...hey...hic...y-you're preeeetty...hic...cuuuute tooooo...hic...when I look at yoouuu~" The odd rise and fall of her tone, the slurred words, hiccupping and rather disturbing things she was saying, made Jun aware of a certain nagging suspicion tugging at the edge of his mind. He snatched up the empty teapot lying on the floor where Shinku had let it drop, and picked it up, sniffing what was left of its contents.

_Holy mother of crap._

He turned to stare at the now blubbering, madly giggling blonde swaying alarmingly on her feet. Shinku normally had perfect posture, flawless speech.

"Juuuun..." she cooed with half-lidded eyes.

"Hey, Souseiseki."

"H-huh?" The deeply disturbed doll had only just regained her common sense. "What's wrong with her? Why is she...like that?"

"...ah...come on...hic...give us a kiss...hic...won't you, darling...?"

"Shinku – she's..."

Jun was backing out the door, pulling Souseiseki along by the arms and dragging Suiseiseki's limp body after.

"She's drunk as hell."

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**Hope that wasn't too scandalous! I'll be back soon with more XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hiyooo! Chapter 2 is heeree! Hahaha...I feel a little drunk myself 8D but then I'm underage so I don't really know what that actually feels like XD **

**Have fun reading! XDXD**

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_**Of Dolls and Drinks**_

**_Chapter Two_**

"She's drunk."

Jun said it again, as if to emphasise his previously made point. Souseiseki regarded the advancing Shinku with something between fear and shock.

"B-but how?"

"The teapot smelt like wine – Nori must have put it in this morning, but I thought it was tea and gave it to her…dammit, you're dolls! How the hell are you supposed to get drunk?"

"I-I don't think that's what we should be worried about right now…"

Shinku tottered towards them unsteadily, cheeks flushed bright red.

"Heh…heh…don't you think…hic…it's getting a bit…hic…_hot_ in here?" She tugged her bonnet strings loose, a lax smile playing on her lips. Jun gulped nervously, realising they'd just backed into a wall.

"Ahhh, Jun…"

"AAARRGGGGHHH! GET OFF MEEEEE!" Shinku sat on his chest, pinning both his arms down with incredible strength.

"Aren't you…hic…hot…too…hic…Juuuunnn?" She began to laugh weirdly, licking her lips. "I like it."

"WH-WHAT?"

"Show me…hic…that terrified face of yours…hic…once more…" Shinku leaned in towards him, an eyebrow raised and grinning with an anticipation that somehow reminded Jun of a wolf about to devour its prey. A sudden cold chill ran down his spine as she loomed over him. This was probably one of the few times he'd ever been truly freaked out by Shinku.

_Wh-what's with this…d-don't tell me…is this Shinku's…true self?_

Jun stared at the intoxicated doll, now cackling like she was about to declare world domination. He could almost see an evil purple cloud aura gathering around her head.

_Looks like Suigintou isn't the only one with…sadistic tendencies…but for some reason…th-this is even sc-scarier…_

"Heh…hehe-hic…heh-ahahah…hic…ahahahammm…hic…mmahaha-hic-mmm…wahahahahaha!" Shinku suddenly burst into what could only be called _evil laughter_.

"U-unhand him at once!" Souseiseki, having regained some semblance of her senses, summoned her shears and pointed them threateningly at the madly sniggering fifth doll.

Big mistake.

"Oooohhh…" Shinku turned slowly to face her sister, the upper half of her face caught in the shadow of her bangs. Instant Evilness Level-Up. "Hehehe-hic…g-getting jealous…hic…are weee?" She pushed the sharp tip of Souseiseki's scissors with a finger, and released Jun from her grip, stepping off his chest.

"S-stay away from me!"

"S-Sooouuseeeiiiseeekkiiii…" Shinku stumbled shakily towards the other doll, and then leapt forward suddenly, grabbing her by the waist. As if she had been flicked on by a light switch, Suiseiseki shot up from her unconscious state, seemingly provoked by the imminent danger her twin was in.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO SOUSEISEKI DESSUUUU?" Suiseiseki howled, launching herself at Shinku, only to find herself too caught in the tipsy doll's embrace.

"Ahhh…Suiseiseki won't mind…if it's the both of you…riiiight-hic? You won't get…hic…jealous…if…I have the two of you…hic…"

"Sh-Shinku, let go…" Souseiseki, although blushing, had managed to remain generally calm. Suiseiseki, on the other hand…

"RAPE! IT'S BLOODY RAAAAPPPPEEE! I'M GETTING RAAAAPPPEEEDDDD DEEESSSUUUU!

"Suiseiseki, you don't need to shout that out for the world to hear! The neighbours are gonna call the police!"

It was as if Jun hadn't even spoken at all.

"RRRRAAAAAPPPPPEEEE!

"Oh-hic…Suiseiseki, you're so…hic…_energetic_…hic…and _frivolous_…"

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU INCESTUOUS RAPIST DESU!"

"Awww, Suisui-chan…you know…hic…sibling love is so sweet…hic…isn't sisterly love…hic…beautiful?"

"AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH!"

"Suiseiseki, for goodness' sake, calm down!"

"RAPE! RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE DEEESSSUUU!" The hysterical Gardener has completely lost it, flailing her arms about as if she were drowning.

"I'M COMING! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" As if a frenzied Suiseiseki and a drunken Shinku wasn't enough, Nori and Hinaichigo burst into the room, the panic-stricken former wielding a frying pan in one hand, a broomstick and rolling pin in the other, whilst Hina held, of all things in the world, a _meat cleaver_.

"Huh? Where's the rapist?" Nori glanced around the chaos in the hallway, confused.

"HHHEEERRRREEE! SAAAVVEEE MMEEE!" Suiseiseki bashed her fist up and down on Shinku's head. The blonde seemed not to feel it, and instead continued to giggle like some mentally unstable lunatic.

"Shinku? Jun, what happened?"

"MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHY THE FREAKING HELL DOES HINAICHIGO HAVE A BUTCHER'S KNIFE?"

"Ah, we just grabbed the nearest thing…"

"HINA PUT THAT DOWN BEFORE YOU CUT SOMEONE'S HEAD OFF!"

"Unyuu…ok…"

"Shinku…what are you doing?" Nori stared in astonishment at the normally placid doll. Shinku shrugged casually; a gesture that was alien to her.

"I'm just spreading the love…"

Nori's jaw dropped open. Shinku's grin suddenly widened, and she leaned in close to Suiseiseki's face and ran her tongue up the side of the frantic doll's cheek.

"! NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!" Suiseiseki's scream was probably loud enough to be heard not only all over town but probably across several N-fields as well.

"Sh-Shinku! That's going too far!" Souseiseki, incensed, managed to heave Shinku off her and her twin with enormous effort.

"Ohhhh…hic…Sousou-chan…you're just too…hic…cute…when you're jealous…but you'll never be…hic…as cute as Hina-chan…"

"Unyuu…?" Hinaichigo, unaware of the sudden danger she was in, made no move to dodge her elder sister as she threw her arms around the innocent sixth doll.

"Now…Hina-chan…" Shinku licked her lips, that predatory glimmer in her eye once again.

"Nnnhhmmm…Shinku's scary…" Hinaichigo whimpered, as the red doll rubbed their cheeks together.

"You love me, don't you…hic…Hina?"

"Y-y-ye – "

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY YES, CHIBI ICHIGO!"

"N-no!"

"Ah, that won't do, my little strawberry-chan…" Shinku's tone was deceptively sweet as she wrapped both arms around the little doll.

"Shinku!" Jun, Souseiseki, Suiseiseki and Nori managed to pry the blonde off her younger sister and spent a good ten minutes or so physically restraining her as she tried to stand.

"Stay…down," Souseiseki grunted as she and Suiseiseki bound Shinku's arms with rope.

"Ohhh…you never told me you had such fetishes…Sousou-chan…"

"Stop calling her that, desu!"

"Or are you both hiding your sadistic tendencies? Ahh…the truth comes out as your true characters are revealed…hic…"

"Wh-what the hell are you saying! You shouldn't be one to talk!"

"Yes…hic…unfortunately…for the both of you…hic…I'm not an 'M'…hic…hahaha…" Shinku broke off into laughter once more, almost tipping right over as she rocked backwards and forwards, arms secured behind her back.

"Will someone please tell me what is going on?" said Nori timidly, still staring at Shinku like she was some sort of a horrifying alien.

"You, of all people, should know!" Jun hissed. "Weren't you the one who put wine in her teapot instead of actual tea? She drank the entire pot, you know! _The entire bleedin' pot!_"

"I-I didn't do anything!"

Hinaichigo suddenly started crying, grabbing the bottom of Jun's shirt and peering up at him with wide, moist eyes.

"I didn't mean to do it, nano!'

"Huh?"

"W-when I went down in the morning there was this big bottle on the table with yucky stuff in it…and I dropped it and it cracked…and all this red water came out…but I thought Jun and Nori would be angry if all the red stuff was gone…so I got the teapot and put all the red stuff in the teapot…" Hina trailed off into an incoherent blubbering of tears.

"Ohhh, you've done it _this_ time, Chibi Ichigo," Suiseiseki growled. "Thanks to you I was almost raped by that…that…"

"Oh come on, Suiseiseki, it wasn't _that_ bad."

"SHE LICKED ME! ON THE CHEEK! I'VE BEEN VIOLATED!" Suiseiseki pointed accusingly at Hina. "You've turned Shinku into a lecherous, incestuous, perverted _beast_!"

"U-unyuu…I'm sorry!"

"You're _sorry_? _SORRY?_ You think that will fix this mess? Ah, I feel all dirty now! My virtue – my innocence has been stolen away, desu!" Suiseiseki broke down into great, dramatically exaggerated sobs.

"Innocence? What innocence?"

"CHIBI HUMAN! You could never understand the pain suffered by a pure maiden such as myself who has been violated in such horrific and wicked ways! My body has been desecrated! My honour is sullied!"

"For heaven's sake, she just licked your cheek."

"You Chibi Idiot Ichigo," Suiseiseki shook her fist at the cowering younger doll. "You are going to be _so_ dead when Shinku sobers up and finds out about this!"

"Noooo!"

"Actually…" Souseiseki looked gravely down at Hinaichigo, who was visibly trembling. "I think there's someone who'll be even more furious when she finds out."

"Wh-who?"

Souseiseki pointed wordlessly behind them, at the door of the storage room. A strange purplish glow was emanating from it. And then, floating slowly out of the doorway, a familiar, black-clad doll.

"Suigintou."

The first doll Rozen Maiden smirked, a dangerous glint in her eye, as she asked in a voice as silvery as her hair,

"I'll be even more furious when I find out what?"

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**Duhn duhn duuuhhhnn...you can't have write a fic about Shinku getting drunk without Suigintou around for some fun~! XD**

**Until next time, then~! Please review XDXD**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three! This is the last chapter~! Oh, and about the previous chapter, when Hinaichigo was wielding the cleaver, check out the link on my profile. You will never look at Hina the same way again.**

**Oh, and sorry if there are errors or mistakes in this, I had to upload in a hurry :3 But there shouldn't be _that_ many.**

**Otherwise, enjoy! XD**

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**_Of Dolls and Drinks_**

**_Chapter Three_**

"Do you have some sort of an inbuilt alarm that tells you when to turn up at the worst possible time?" Jun glared at the unwelcome intruder. Suigintou would have smirked again; the only problem was that she already was.

"As usual, you have impeccable timing," Souseiseki had her scissors at the ready. "Will you leave or shall I feel obliged to slice up those wings?"

"S-Sui-gin…hic…tou…?" Shinku stood, slumped forward so her fringe obscured the upper three quarters of her face. She brought her hands to her sides, easily breaking free from the tight bonds around her wrists as if the rope was made of flimsy paper. The others gasped.

"H-How did she…" A pale and pasty-faced Suiseiseki clutched at her twin's arm as they slowly backed away from her towards Suigintou, who was both confused and a little put-off by their rather vapid reaction to her arrival. She had been hoping for a little chaos, perhaps some dramatic pre-battle speeches before they got down to business, but it seemed Souseiseki and the other dolls failed to deliver. Hopefully, though, the real target of her attack, Shinku, would be a little more entertaining.

On the other hand, Suigintou thought, there was a something a little…odd about Shinku today; she just couldn't quite put a finger on what exactly. Perhaps it was the way she looked as if she was about to trip over her own feet, or the way her words seemed to come out garbled and indistinct. Was there something wrong with her spring? Was she winding down? She'd heard Souseiseki going on about her finding out about something that would make her furious.

Regardless of what Suigintou suspected, she would very soon find out for herself.

The black doll floated to the ground and scowled at her sisters, still moving fearfully towards her.

"Out of the way, idiots. I have no time to waste on weak fools. I am here for Shi – " Suigintou was abruptly silenced by Shinku's lips. The blonde lurched onto her, and they toppled over, Shinku landing on top.

_Shinku's…_

…_lips…_

Nori fainted, blood gushing out of her nose.

It was as if the world suddenly froze, as if time itself had stopped to watch the remarkable, if rather disconcerting, scene of Shinku kissing Suigintou on the lips. There was utter silence. Even Hinaichigo had ceased her frightened whimpering.

Then, Jun could almost hear the imaginary _clunk!_ as Suiseiseki's jaw metaphorically hit the ground.

The kiss seemed to last forever, when in fact it had probably taken only five seconds or so. When Shinku finally drew back from Suigintou, both dolls were flushed; Shinku was grinning smugly, licking her bottom lip whilst Suigintou seemed to have suddenly decided she was made of stone. Wide-eyed and utterly speechless, the silver haired doll slowly raised her fingers to touch her lips.

The silence continued on for some time.

"Well, how did you like…hic...that?"

Suigintou stared up at Shinku with something like a cross between wonder, shock and absolute horror.

"Th-that was my first…kiss…"

At this, Jun snapped.

"WHAT THE HELL, YOU JUST GOT PASHED BY YOUR MOST HATED ARCH-ENEMY SISTER AND YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT IT BEING YOUR FIRST KISS?"

For once, Suigintou looked lost, as if uncertain of what to think. She pressed her fingertips against her lips and avoided the others' shocked gazes, blushing and looking somewhat bashful.

"That's right…hic…how does it feel…hic…now that I've stolen your lips…?"

Jun facepalmed.

"Why the hell does this remind me of some shoujo manga?" Honestly, it was like some scene out of a clichéd romance movie.

"Oi! Get a grip!"

Suigintou's eyes widened and she managed to hurriedly reassemble some semblance of her former hostile self. Glaring at Shinku, she pushed the doll roughly away and rose to her feet, summoning her sword.

"D-don't fool with me, Shinku! I'll be taking your Rosa Mystica!"

Unfortunately, death threats didn't seem to penetrate the thick, stuporous, alcohol-induced haze currently clouding Shinku's sensible mind. Instead, a wicked smile spread across her face and licked the corner of her lips, winking saucily at Suigintou.

"Oh, Gin-chan…" the silver-haired doll shivered at the use of this new nickname "…you're always acting so cold towards me…"

"St-stay away!" Suigintou realised she was trembling slightly.

"You're like an ice queen…" Shinku gently placed one hand on top of Suigintou's own shaky ones.

"…sitting in a locked up tower far away…" the red doll leaned in towards her sister's face. Suigintou had seemingly lost all ability to move. Her sword clattered to the ground from her loose hands.

"…cold…distant…"

"The hell is she going on about?" As usual, Jun completely failed to read the atmosphere.

"…beautiful…" Shinku paused. She tilted Suigintou's chin towards her with a finger. "…and untouchable?"

Suigintou closed her eyes as Shinku leaned in once more, and…

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

Suigintou's eyes snapped open as Shinku was abruptly jerked away. Jun was about to shake her roughly by the shoulders when she suddenly slumped down unconscious in his arms.

"Eh? Did she wind down?"

It seemed that Souseiseki had finally regained her senses, as she knelt by Shinku's side, inspecting the fallen doll.

"No, I think she just passed out."

"Unyuu…why was Shinku kissing Suigintou? I thought they hated each other?"

"Now listen here, Chibi Ichigo! What Shinku was wrong! Wrong, you hear me! You're not allowed to do that to any of us, got that? Kissing your sister like that is WRONG!"

Hinaichigo nodded furiously.

"Honestly, what was Shinku thinking, scarring a young innocent mind like that? And YOU!" Suiseiseki pointed a quivering finger at the still-disorientated Suigintou. "_You! _Don't tell me you were _enjoying_ that, desu?"

"N-NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Though her cheeks were still flushed, she wore the expression that came whenever someone called her 'junk'.

"HA! Then why are you blushing, huh? Admit it! You've wanted Shinku since forever!"

"HAVE NOT! WHY WOULD I WANT THAT USELESS PIECE OF JUNK? SHE'S NOTHING BUT JUNK, I TELL YOU! JUUUUUNNNNK!"

"Oh, look who's in denial~!" Suiseiseki sang.

"Well, you know they say the first stage of love _is_ denial, Suiseiseki," added Souseiseki. Unfortunately, this only served to incense the already furious Suigintou.

"I AM NOT IN DENIAL!"

"Shinku can't ever accept your feelings if you don't accept them yourself, desu."

"WHAT ARE YOU NOW, SOME RELATIONSHIP COUNSELLOR?"

"Actually…"

"Oh god, don't give her ideas," said Souseiseki, rolling her eyes.

"JUNK! I'LL TURN YOU ALL INTO JUNK!" Bright red with humiliation, Suigintou summoned her sword, but before she could take a swing at the Gardener twins, they were already at the door, about to leave.

"Well then, bye Suigintou. Have a good, nice long think about your true feelings."

"I AM NOT SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH SHINKU!"

Souseiseki smirked.

"I didn't say anything. I just told you to think about how you really feel. Bye, then."

"Wait!"

Jun suddenly found himself staring down the tip of Suigintou's sword.

"Are you trying to take my eye out?"

"No, but that's a good idea. I demand an explanation for…for…" Suigintou trailed off, once again blushing as red as Shinku's dress.

"Oh, you want to know why Shinku suddenly kissed you?"

"_Don't say it out loud!_" The silver-haired doll hissed, eyes narrowing into two deadly slits of magenta.

Jun sighed. Discretion seemed to completely desert Suigintou when it came to matters concerning Shinku.

"She got a bit drunk on wine."

"WHAT?"

"Hinaichigo accidentally put wine in her teapot!"

"HINAICHIGO!" Suigintou looked like she was about ready to shred the little doll into bits.

"N-noooo, d-d-don't kill Hina!"

"Well, actually it was kind of my fault that I didn't check it before I gave it to her…"

"MORON! YOU'RE HER MEDIUM! AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING CARE OF HER? AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING SURE THINGS LIKE THIS _DON'T_ HAPPEN? AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE PROTECTING HER ROSA MYSTICA?"

There was a brief silence in which Jun stared down at Suigintou with one eyebrow raised, and Suiseiseki and Souseiseki exchanged knowing glances. Suigintou herself suddenly seemed to realise the implications of her outburst and clapped a hand to her mouth.

"I'll just shut up now."

She walked over to the mirror and shot one last death glare at Jun and her sisters.

"You will not ever speak of this in front of Shinku. Do you hear me? _Never._"

_~ The next morning ~_

Jun blinked as the morning sunlight trickled into his room. He sat up in his bed, yawning, when there was the click of his door opening and Suiseiseki and Souseiseki walked in.

"Oh, so you decided to use the door for once."

"That's because we can't break your window."

"Huh, looks like you finally – " Jun stopped abruptly when he realised the reason they couldn't break his window was because _it was already broken._

"You…"

"Hurry up and get Shinku to fix it, desu!"

"What, so you can break it again?"

"Is she alright?" Souseiseki glanced worriedly at the doll's closed case. After collapsing into a drunken heap the previous day, they had put her in her case, and she'd slept for the rest of yesterday, all of last night through til the morning.

"Shinku? You awake?"

There was a small click as the lid swung open to reveal a very wretched looking Shinku. She sat up, one hand pressed against her forehead, looking as sick as a doll can look.

"So noisy…" she managed to glower weakly at Jun. "Hurry up and get me a cup of tea. I have a splitting headache."

"Are you sure you don't want coffee? I hear they're good for hangovers."

"Hangovers?" By the bewildered look upon Shinku's face, Jun realised his mistake and winced. She had no recollection whatsoever of the previous day's events.

"D-don't you remember? What happened…yesterday…" he trailed off, a sense of great foreboding rising up within him. Shinku frowned.

"No. I remember watching Kunkun, though, and then nothing after that." She rubbed her temple. "And I remember the tea you gave me yesterday left a horrendous aftertaste, and after that…" Her eyes widened suddenly, and her hand went to her mouth, fingers brushing against her lips. A red glow crept across her pale cheeks.

"Sh-Shinku…?"

"Jun, I think there are some things I wish to make very clear with you."

_CRAP._

Shinku stood, a strangely terrifying smile upon her face; one that didn't match the cold fury in her icy blue eyes. She was quivering slightly, and he suddenly because painfully aware of the fact that she'd picked up her cane and was shifting it from one hand to another like it was some sort of a cudgel.

Shinku reckoned Jun wasn't too young to be bludgeoned to within half an inch of his life.

~ _One week later ~_

"Shinku, it has been 170 hours and 23 minutes since we last…" Suigintou's evil smirk was momentarily displaced by a look of unsuccessfully masked mortification as she bit down on her lip. Shinku too, was suddenly turning a colour that matched her dress. Jun glanced from one to the other; the air was heavy with the kind of awkward silence that comes about when both parties present suddenly recollect some unpleasant memory. Shinku cleared her throat.

"You must certainly be mistaken, Suigintou."

"Of course."

"Of course." Souseiseki and Suiseiseki echoed. Hinaichigo looked as if she was about to say something but was silenced as Suiseiseki clamped her hand down on Hina's mouth.

If there is one thing Jun has learnt about the Rozen Maiden, it is this: do not ever, for God's sake, let them anywhere _near_ even a single drop of alcohol. The consequences are mind-blowingly horrendous.

Of dolls and drinks, it is better to leave much unsaid, much forgotten.

* * *

**If you've been mentally scarred by this, I apologise and I'll make it up to you somehow~! XD I'll upload a not-so-freaky story next time.**

**Please leave reviews! Even if this was traumatic for you. ^^'**

**Until later, then XD**

_**~cherryblossomroses~**_

_"A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts."_

_"Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die."_


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